Your new team lead writes an email: „Hallo Priya, kannst du mir die Zahlen bis morgen schicken?“ You reply: „Sehr geehrter Herr Wagner, gern schicke ich Ihnen die Zahlen …“ It's polite. It's also slightly odd, and you can feel it in the next meeting.
Du or Sie at work is one of the first things internationals in Germany get wrong, in both directions. There's no law about it, only conventions, and they differ between a bank in Frankfurt and a startup in Berlin. But the core rules are stable, and the phrases are easy to learn. This guide covers both, plus the grammar, because du and Sie change more than one word.
The default: Sie, until someone offers du
The safest rule is the oldest one: in Germany you use Sie with people you don't know, at the first contact, until something else is offered[1]. Newcomers and junior staff in particular should start with Sie[2].
That sounds formal, but it isn't cold. Sie is respectful, and nobody is offended by it. The du, by contrast, is offered, not taken, and that's where the rules come in.
Who offers the du at work
| Situation | Who offers the du | Note |
|---|---|---|
| You and your manager | The manager | At work, rank decides, not age or gender |
| You and a client | The client | Age and gender don't change this |
| Colleagues on the same level | The older colleague | Traditionally; age matters less in younger teams |
| Same level, same age | The one who has been there longer | Time at the company breaks the tie |
| New in the team | Wait | Raising the du yourself is seen as bad style |
At work, hierarchy overrides the private rules: only the higher-ranking person may offer the du[1]. With clients, the client offers it to the service provider, not the other way round[2]. Among colleagues on the same level, the older person traditionally offers it, and if you're the same age, the one who has been at the company longer[2].
Startups, international teams and company culture
Everything above bends to company culture: whether people use du or Sie often depends on the company more than on any rule[2]. Some companies use du with everyone. The Swedish furniture chain IKEA has used du even with its customers for years[1]. Many startups and international teams use du from the first email, including with the CEO.
You'll also meet mixed forms. Some managers use Sie with first names, „Anna, können Sie mir das schicken?“[2], sometimes called the Hamburger Sie. The rule for you stays the same: answer in the form you're addressed in, and don't switch on your own.
What to say: offering, accepting, asking
Asking when you're unsure
Asking is completely legitimate in Germany[1], and it's much better than guessing.
Wie möchten Sie angesprochen werden: mit Du oder mit Sie?
Offering the du (when it's yours to offer)
If you're the more senior person, or the client, a simple question works:
Wollen wir uns duzen? Ich bin Priya.
Accepting the du
Gern, ich bin Arjun.
Use the du immediately afterwards. Continuing with Sie after accepting sounds as if you didn't mean it.
When a colleague uses du with you
Answer with du. The form of address is mutual: you don't reply with Sie to someone who says du to you, unless they are a customer you serve and your company asks you to stay with Sie.
Five everyday situations, and what to do
1. Your first day. The team lead introduces herself with „Hallo, ich bin Julia.“ A first name alone often signals du in a team, but not always. Listen to how she continues: „Schön, dass du da bist“ settles it. If she says „Schön, dass Sie da sind“, stay with Sie and first names.
2. A meeting with a client. Stay with Sie, even if your own team uses du internally. The client offers the du, not you[2].
3. The canteen, someone from another department. If your company uses du internally, du is fine. If you don't know, start with Sie and switch the moment they say du.
4. The team event. Your manager raises a glass: „Ich bin übrigens Thomas.“ That's an offer, and it still counts on Monday morning. Using Sie again at the office would feel like taking it back.
5. An email from HR or a manager you've never met. Reply in the form they used. If they wrote „Sehr geehrte Frau Sharma“, answer with Sie, even if your team uses du.
Danke für das Angebot, sehr gern. Bleiben wir dann auch in den Team-Mails beim Du?
That last question is rarely needed, but it's a useful sentence when a du was offered in a loud room and you're not sure it was meant for the office too.
Never push for it, never take it back
Two rules are stricter than the rest. First, never demand the du[1]. Second, once given, it stays. Etiquette guides allow about 24 hours to correct a du offered by mistake; going back to Sie after weeks is taken as an affront[1]. If you're not sure about a colleague, wait a little longer before you offer. That's always the safer mistake.
The grammar: du and Sie change more than one word
Switching forms means switching verbs, possessives and the imperative. These are the forms that slip most often in the middle of a sentence:
| With Sie | With du | |
|---|---|---|
| Question | „Können Sie mir helfen?“ | „Kannst du mir helfen?“ |
| Request | „Schicken Sie mir bitte die Zahlen.“ | „Schick mir bitte die Zahlen.“ |
| Possessive | „Ist das Ihr Laptop?“ | „Ist das dein Laptop?“ |
| Dative | „Ich schicke Ihnen den Link.“ | „Ich schicke dir den Link.“ |
| Accusative | „Ich rufe Sie morgen an.“ | „Ich rufe dich morgen an.“ |
| To a group | „Haben Sie noch Fragen?“ | „Habt ihr noch Fragen?“ |
Three details that give learners away:
- Sie is always capitalised in this meaning, and so are Ihnen and Ihr. „Ich schicke ihnen“ means "to them".
- The plural of du is ihr. In a meeting with colleagues you call du, it's „Habt ihr …?“, not „Haben Sie …?“
- Don't mix forms in one conversation. Switching between „Können Sie“ and „kannst du“ sounds unsure, even if each sentence is correct.
Emails: du and Sie in writing
Use the same form in writing as in person. With Sie, emails usually open with „Sehr geehrte Frau Schmidt“ or, a little less formal, „Guten Tag, Frau Schmidt“, and close with „Viele Grüße“ or „Mit freundlichen Grüßen“. With du, „Hallo Anna“ and „Viele Grüße“ or „Liebe Grüße“ are normal.
If someone you've only met with Sie replies in du, that's an offer. Answer in du.
And in a job interview?
Use Sie, unless the interviewer offers du, which happens in startups. Then accept and stay with it. The guide to German job interview questions and answers has model answers in the Sie form, and the self-introduction in German shows how to start.
Practise the switch out loud
Knowing the rule is easy; switching forms mid-sentence without thinking isn't. The fastest way is to say the same request twice, once with Sie and once with du: „Könnten Sie mir das bis Freitag schicken?“ and „Könntest du mir das bis Freitag schicken?“ Five requests a day, out loud, and the forms stop competing in your head.